hehehahhahheheh

this movie tickles me to death. hehe

Sin City

Another favorite. I'm on a roll.

The Dreamers

One of my favorite movies... a testament to the love, disregarded rules, passionate youth, film, revolution and life.

Now

Most of the time I forget that I'm an animal, just like any other animal on this planet. I doubt my instincts. But I was listening to the geese crying as they flew over me and realized this. They move when they hear/feel nature telling them to do so. They don't worry about leaving the nests they've built in the past, they know that they have the strength and knowledge to build another home when they arrive at their new destination. I want that to be like my life. I want to trust that I have the ability to recreate my life over and over again with every new adventure. To make a home where ever I arrive.

Liberation...

is a feeling I'm becoming more and more sensitive to. When I feel it, I know what must be done, left behind, or pursued. When I ignore that feeling out of fear, I dull my awareness of what I truly desire, I feel lost and as though my actions do not matter. If I act on it, I feel empowered, at peace and happy. I feel its pull, its sweet whisper, but I also hear fear's voice... telling me that I am a disappointment, a failure, and a talentless creature. It tells me if I do not finish things I start and fulfill expectations, I will be miserable and vulnerable and there will be no help for me when times are hard. Fear says that people don't have sympathy for those who shun tradition and chase windy dreams.

But my soul knows that this is the voice of something that wants to see me paralyzed in a cold mechanical life that is predictable and profitable.

I don't want to numb myself to my true desires and dreams. Fear of failure is the one that will have to go, it can scream as loud as it wants...I'm not listening.

-n

Back at the Coffee Shop

This has been such an awesome, awesome spring break so far!! I'm having such a wonderful time exploring the sites of Minnesota with a wonderful girl. I already admire her so much. She's passionate about her nursing career and how she wants to care for people and such a hard worker!

Random note on the Persecutor of God:

"Paul thought up the idea, and Calvin re-thought it, that for innumerable people damnation has been decreed from eternity, and that this beautiful world plan was instituted to reveal the glory of God: heaven and hell and humanity are thus supposed to exist- to satisfy the vanity of God! What cruel and insatiable vanity must have flared in the soul of the man who thought this up first, or second. Paul has remained Saul after all- the persecutor of God." - Nietzsche

Thanks Nietzsche. I couldn't agree more.

I found "The Portable Nietzsche" for 69 cents at a cute little thrift store in Maple Grove, MN. Emily and I had so much fun browsing through clothes, furniture and books. *sigh* A girl after my own heart.

-N

Once again in Minnesota...

I swear, this place feels like an alternative reality. After almost 20 hours of driving (including a costly detour into Arkansas...oops) I arrived at the house of the sweetest girl I've ever met. My prejudice against melty romance is deteriorating daily. I'm slightly ashamed of my new appreciation for all the things I've made fun of for years...but I think I can get over my self loathing because its just too enjoyable...hehe

So, I've been doing some research on getting a teachers certification. 1. I really really like kids. 2. I have some tutoring experienced and I really liked it 3. Job security!! Most states really need teachers 4. Good pay! I can't think of many other fields that I'm qualified for that would pay as well. 5. Summers off. This would give me time to travel, work on my house, anything!

It's starting to sound like a really good idea. I need to keep researching cause I'm still pretty confused about how to go about this, how much it will cost, how long it takes, etc. But I'm really excited, I feel like this could something that could be a career, not just a job to get me by. Maybe I could even teach over seas if I wanted....

Being here in Minnesota makes me feel like anything is possible. :}

Who's to say

Romantic mushy-ness. eeeek :D

Set Fire to the Face on Fire

Hehe, this is my job hunting soundtrack. It makes me think of being at Hardin Simmons and UMHB in 2005/2006. God that was a long time ago!

I think I would like to have been in the seattle grunge rock scene. :]

ahh, I love this movie! I might have to watch it tonight.

My mind's racing...

So I postponed my thesis meeting until next week. Gives me a little more time to work on it and pull myself together. I was getting close dumping the whole project in the proverbial trash can last night. I think taking a little space is probably a good idea.

Instead, I'm going to work on my BDP project, natural building research! While I'm totally not in school mode still, at least I'll be writing about something I like! And I know that Penny will be happy with what I do, she is always so uplifting.

I've been getting the itch to work on my art skills lately. I always get inspired looking at artwork online and then try to whip out some fantastical drawing...only to find that my eye is waay out of practice and the piece ends up kinda crappy. lol I know if I want to make something that is decent quality I need to set aside some time and prepare myself with some references at least.

Ok, gonna jump on that school work.

Thesis Hate

I hate this thing. As in "I'm almost in tears just looking at it" hate. Why is this making me so miserable? I want to quit so bad. So bad. But I've spent so much time on this, I know it will look good on my resume, and I don't want to disappoint my advisers. Well, actually I don't give a shit what my primary adviser thinks. She's a moody bitch and I'm tired of jumping through hoops for her. But the head of the honors program is a woman that I admire so very much. I worked for her in her home and I really consider her to be a role model in a lot of ways. I would hate to let her down.

But oh man, I'm getting such a violent reaction from working on this thing! It's like I'm running the gamut of emotions and they are all really really bad ones. I just feel like I don't know how to get the information I need and I don't want to look for it. I don't care at all about this project any more. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with it. Drought is bad for farmers, yea duh. Past that I feel like every thing I have is just random crap.

Uhhg, I've got to pull myself together

Fairy Tale...Prince[ss] Charming

I thought this picture was SO adorable and disney-esque

Odd dream

I had a weird dream last night. At the end, I was listening to someone telling a story about revenge. They said that revenge comes from the dark starry night sky god, who loves the innocence and purity of a girl who has never had a lover. Then the girl meets a Faustian character, who represents her transformation, who explores sexuality and worldliness with her. The star god (who looked like an ancient hindu god) takes out his vengeance on both of them by cursing their relationship.

God
To see God in your dream, signifies your spirituality and expression of your feelings about divinity. God also symbolizes an untouchable, unreachable, and unattainable notion of perfection. Thus such a dream may highlight your struggles and attempts with trying to be perfect.

Shiva
To see the Hindu god Shiva in your dream, signifies struggle and conflict. You are undecided between two choices you have to make.

Night
To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing, but are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head and come back to it later. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth, reflection, and new beginnings

Girls
To see a girl in your dream, represents your playful, innocent, and childlike nature.

Transformation
To dream that you are undergoing a transformation, indicates a need for change or a deviation from your usual routine. It also suggests your expanded awareness and a deep-level personality development.

Hmm this still doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I'll have to think about it.