Manifesto of a "Rebel"

Christy and I were talking over coffee about rebellion. Both of us were talking about desires and decisions we had made that we worried were fueled by rebellion instead of a true authentic desire of ours. This idea has bothered me over and over, things that I am drawn to that are strange and off the beaten path, is that really me? Or is that my "rebellion". How could something that feels so good be a spiteful act of rule breaking. People who don't like my ideas or how I live say its rebellion. Are they right? Where does rebellion even come from?

And this thought struck me. "Rebellious" is a label that people use to control who you are and sanction or prohibit behaviors. To label someone else's desires as them "acting out" is attempt to make those desires illegitimate. Like saying "That's not really you....you don't really want this...you're just upset about *insert event*". For what ever reason, fear, jealousy, tradition, people use the term rebellion to tell another person who they are, what they REALLY want, and why what they THINK they want is not ok.

Liberation, for me, is letting go of other people's judgments of my actions. Letting go of the need to convince everyone that I am not rebellious, I'm not trying to get a reaction, pay someone back, make a point. I'm just trying to be happy and authentic.

I will never play by someone elses rules, and if people make them, they WILL be broken. I will never be what someone else wants me to be, if they try to force their expectations on me, they'll be disappointed.

If living this way pushes me to the fringe and makes me a freak, that's alright. I'd rather be in the circus than the suburbs. If people see me as wild, rebellious, un-respectable, perverted, unpatriotic, insane, strange, and sinful, well, that's all in their head and they can think that. But they're the ones making the labels...I don't even know what those words mean.

I'm just being myself.

It only strengthens my vision of what I want for myself and those around me. I picture a house, built by my own hands, that embodies independence and authenticity. Where people can be themselves, how ever different that is from everyone else. Where anyone can express their inner artist, musician, and poet without censure. NO idea will be too scary for discussion. No past experience too dark to be shared with others. Nothing too shocking to be appropriate. People without rhythm will dance and people without pitch will sing.

People will know that they are truly loved and accepted. Just. As. They. Are. I know I'm describing a utopian place. But these ideas fuel me and shape me. They make me feel alive and electric. I want so much to break out of the needless rules society has evolved that keep people feeling separate and afraid.

It's my vision. While I'm on my way, I will practice loving myself and those around me as fully as I can.

-N



This song reminds that there's nothing to be scared of.