Wow!

I'm sitting here in my pjs trying to pacify my turbulent reproductive organs with ibprofen and a heating pad so I thought, hey, why not write a blog.

I've been spending the morning taking care of very boring odds and ends, had to add a class to get financial aid. (yuck!) Must get aid before car...need car for job...

And school, I'm not excited about it anymore. I used to be so passionate about it because it felt like part of my identity. But it just doesn't feel that way now...it feels like the part of me that was trying to prove I was good enough and needed to be something that people approved of. Maybe thats too harsh, but idk, its such a relief in my spirit to think of getting out of academia! Out of being a number, a letter, trying to be smart all the time.

I know where some of this anxiety comes from and I'm excited that I have the courage now to say this is NOT me, I do NOT like this, and I'm going to go figure out what I do like and who I really am. It feels wonderful, like life is fresh again, not like I'm walking through a routine that is boring and draining.

I have so many plans in my head and things I'm looking forward to...I feel like I'm becoming more authentic everyday.

-Nicole
xoxo