cool weather

"The main interest in life and work is to become someone else that you were not in the beginning" -Michel Foucault

This cool weather is reminding me that I need to let myself change. I get obsessed with being "consistent" above all else. And in some cases there is something to be said for being predictable and having a cohesive outlook, but I want to avoid letting it define me! I guess for me it comes down to living in the present and not projecting my past into my future, just because an idea made sense to me once doesn't mean it will the next time I look at it, I need to hold my ideals loosely enough to let them evolve when they need to. Or anything, people, habits, places...there's nothing more miserable for me than trying to hold onto something that is moving away.

For example, I've come to think of myself as very sociable and not shy, but lately socializing with people I don't know seems incredibly unattractive. I can either define this new behavior as me "not being myself", because myself IS social, or I can let myself change....so I liked talking to new people, right now I don't, perhaps later I will....

It's just so hard not to pin things down! I want to describe myself and have this identity that others can recognize like friendly, hardworking, artistic...whatever...but the truth is those are just things I've done in the past, there's no telling if I'll be artistic in the future! But the pressure can make me feel closed in, like if I'm not then I'm not myself...I'm "sick" or acting "abnormally" in some way...


Not sure how to sum up that ramble...I'm at home in Temple with a cup of tea listening to music and about to take a nap. yes.

Happy weekend :}